Ursa's emergence...

Since having Raja here, the rescued Rottie from the town shelter, it seems as though that spot in our hearts and home has been somewhat filled with love and a reminder of Ursa.  Raja, being a Rottweiler like Ursa, shares many similar qualities.  She is her own unique dog, but so many noises and characteristics are similar that we are constantly finding ourselves saying, "Ursa did that!" or "Remeber when Ursa..." and "Hi Ursa."  It's bitter sweet.  It's sweet to feel her presence in the love of another dog like her.  But bitter that it is only a similarity and that it is not in fact Ursa herself.

I do enjoy sharing her memory though, remembering all about her and her quirks.  Comparing her to Raja - the good and the bad, the similar and the different - keeps Ursa's memory alive in our home.  Some days I smile and some days I cry.  But all in all, I feel as though I saved Raja's life in memory of Ursa.

And what's more, I was told that Ursa helped guide me to find Raja so I could help her.  Ursa considers Raja a sister - the kindred spirit or soul sister sort.  -- again, all of this from Heather Hovis, the wonderful animal communicator and empathic healer who is a dear friend of mine.

So, with that being said... I feel a very strong bond to Raja and a connection to Ursa in the same token.

Raja

Ursa

Found an old photo...

Found this old photo browsing through my Facebook profile pics...

I think I immediately started crying... I missed her so much while looking at this I swore I heard her whining behind me, just like she used to do when she wanted attention and I was on the computer. (actually I WAS hearing whining; but it was Raven my foster pup, sleeping and dreaming)

I dont know why this photo hurt so much; maybe because I am so happy and I am holding her.  But it did.  Like a raw wound.  Fresh, or one that was beginning to heal being torn back open.

I really loved her so much... it's not the same without her.  I wish I had more than 7 years with her (she died less than a month after her 7th birthday), it was way too short.  But I suppose that 10 years would have been too little too.  Who wants to give up a soul-bonded friend ever, whether it is a person or an animal???!!! I guess no one... and I guess no amount of time would have been enough.  But I miss her. A lot.

Grieving the loss of an animal...

In talking to some friends who have lost animals around the same time we lost Ursa, it seems that the initial shock and melancholy is actually a blessing in disguise.  As the days and weeks and months pass by, the numbness is replaced by a sadness, an emptiness and lots of tears.

No, it doesn't get easier as time passes. If anything, I think it gets harder to accept that you will not be able to smoosh your face in their sweet fur... not even one more time.

I suppose you can only find salvation in knowing you will one day see them again... in spirit form.

I have purchased a bunch of books, in the meantime, to help people to communicate with their animals (I am assuming its for animals that are living).  If it helps, I will sure let you all know!  It'd be great to be able to "hear" what they have to say!

Stumbling block...Please help.

So I am hitting a wall finding a feline cancer-related financial assistance program to raise funds for. I have 2 for canine and cannot leave out our feline friends.

Anyone know of any group that I can join up with to raise funds for people who cannot afford their feline cancer-related vet bills? As I said, I am all set on two wonderful groups for  canines.

Thanks.

I'd really like to get the promo and fundraising started... but am not complete without one for cats to jump on board!

Honoring a lost animal by helping another

So, I recently became a volunteer for a local animal shelter (I am already a volunteer for a local rescue group)... I felt compelled to go, check it out and do some hands-on dirty work now that my daughter is getting older and I am able to leave her longer at home with "daddy." 


The shelter is a sad place... but when I leave there, I feel amazing.  My heart is warmed and I just LOVE spending time with those dogs.  There are those you just fall in love with instantly.  You love them all, but some just pull at your heart in ways that the others don't.  The same way I loved Ursa in a special way, you fall for some of the dogs... they hit you in the "right" spot (my dog crush is Gavin... see photo below)... 

So now I am addicted to walking the shelter dogs... because it's so amazing to be able to impact them by letting them out of their "cells."  I think about it every day and I think about those dogs everyday.  


And... as a special way to honor Ursa, I go there... spend some time and share some love... and I use Ursa's collar and leash.  It's almost like she is there with us, sharing time together alongside us as we walk around the snowy shelter grounds and play in the fenced-in pens.  Although if she WERE really there, she'd be stealing their tennis balls and running with them!  :)


So, I think a great way to honor a lost life is to give LIFE to another.   If you are mourning a beloved fur-riend, why not stop by your local animal shelter and volunteer?  Those dogs need love, too.


I always think, "if my dogs ended up in a shelter (if they werent my dogs obviously) what would happen to them?"  And I KNOW that they would be very hard to adopt out.  Ursa had so many "issues" that in the wrong hands, she would have been euthanized probably for not being adoptable.  But in reality, she was AMAZING.   In a home, these dogs have the chance to blossom and flourish.  In the shelter, you cannot see their true colors.  


So please... give these dogs a chance at life... they so deserve it.  It's not their fault they were given up.  Most cases are a result of the person's issues... not the dog's.  


Come on! Volunteer!!!!  The dogs need you.  (and cats!)


PS... I even went online and bought new snow boots in typical Camille-fashion. Why? Because I wanted to be able to stay out longer in the snow with the shelter dogs. haha  Yes call me a sucker for love.

A reminder of the void left in my heart...

I finally packed up Ursa's cancer medications (herbs) to send to the Canine Cancer Awareness organization - for their supplement exchange program (for anyone who needs cancer related, over the counter supplements, etc. be sure to check them out here: http://caninecancerawareness.org/supplement-exchange)

As I tossed out her "experimental" antiplasia powder I had given her her last two weeks with us, I noticed that I was holding on the bag awfully tight before actually dropping it into the can.

I could still smell the powder, and feel my fingers squooshing it inside Martin's Potato Bread. And I vividly remember making it into a ball and throwing it into the air so she'd catch it and swallow it without questioning its content.

How she'd be so excited to get a treat, and be drooling for it!  And when I missed, how the powder would spill out all over the floor.  Then I'd be left with a hungry Ursa, a messy floor and slimy bread.

This particular memory today left me with a sadness that wasn't easily overcome.  I smiled thinking of her, but was reminded of her absence.  Time is passing, the clock is ticking... and shying away from her memories as the days roll by may distract me for a bit but EVERYTHING reminds me of her.  I talk about her almost every day.  And my heart still aches when I am faced with something physical she left behind... like her cancer herbs.

I do hope that her medicines can help someone in need.  

The New Year... 2011

This New Year, 2011, will be one full with many ups and downs, as is every year.  However, it is hard to celebrate another year when you are missing someone that is normally by your side to take the journey with you.  For all of you mourning the loss of a loved one, including animals, I commend you on your courage to face the new year ahead without their physical presence beside you.

As the new year unfolds, you can still share it with those you have lost.  You can still talk to them, cherish their memories as you glance at old photos, or laugh about something funny they did (oh yes, many funny things can be recalled when "URSA" comes to mind)... and you can ask them for help in guiding you through this new year, and new adventure.  Those who leave us physically can help us spiritually.  Ask them for help!  For advice.  For love and support.

2011 shall be a wonderful year... and to kick it off, I'd like to say I am currently working on a t-shirt design to promote as a fundraiser.  The proceeds will go to 2 or 3 associations that help people to pay cancer-related vet bills.  I have 2 for canines and I am currently working on finding one for felines.  If you have any advice or knowledge on such groups, please email me at camille@missionpets.com   - thanks!

HAPPY NEW YEAR. May this year be full with an abundance of blessings and successes on every level.